A Reason to Love the French

Here is another reason to love the French. The Telegraph newspaper in Great Britain has an article about a law in Paris that bans women from wearing pants! Oh, I wish that were the law everywhere. Women reading this blog are probably furious right now but speaking on behalf of the male of the species, may I point out that women are most attractive when wearing modest, feminine dresses and skirts. Men, am I right?

A Joke With a Ton of Truth

A friend of mine sent me this email. It is a case of humor blended beautifully with truth. It also illustrates the primary differences between liberals and conservatives. Hat tip to Linda McBride.

If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one. If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat. If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy. If a liberal sees a foreign threat, he wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good.

If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life. If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

If a person of color is conservative, they see themselves as independently successful. Their liberal counterparts see themselves as victims in need of government protection.

If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation. A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.

If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels. Liberals demand that those they don't like be shut down.

If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church. A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced.

If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it. A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.

If a conservative slips and falls in a store, he gets up, laughs and is embarrassed. If a liberal slips and falls, he grabs his neck, moans like he's in labor and then sues.

German men are 'world's worst lovers'

There is a hilarious article in Britain's Telegraph newspaper where women rate their men as lovers. American men are ranked 5th among the worst behind the Germans, British, Swedish, and Dutch. It could be worse. The Russians are too hairy and the Turks are too sweaty. But even they rank as better lovers than American men.

In case you were wondering, the Spanish men rank as the best and are followed by the Brazilians, Italians, French, and Irish. Hmmm.... maybe the French really are lovers. They don't seem to be fighters.

Harry Reid

My sister sent me the following. It shows her sense of humor because she is a left-leaning Democrat.

Judy Wallman, a professional genealogy researcher in southern California ,was doing some personal work on her own family tree. She discovered that Senator Harry Reid's great-great uncle, Remus Reid, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Montana in 1889. Both Judy and Harry Reid share this common ancestor.

The only known photograph of Remus shows him standing on the gallows in Montana territory.

On the back of the picture Judy obtained during her research is this inscription: 'Remus Reid, horse thief, sent to Montana Territorial Prison 1885, escaped 1887, robbed the Montana Flyer six times. Caught by Pinkerton detectives, convicted and hanged in 1889.'

So Judy recently e-mailed Senator Harry Reid for information about their great-great uncle. Believe it or not, Harry Reid's staff sent back the following biographical sketch for her genealogy research:

"Remus Reid was a famous cowboy in the Montana Territory. His business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings with the Montana railroad. Beginning in 1883, he devoted several years of his life to government service, finally taking leave to resume his dealings with the railroad. In 1887, he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the renowned Pinkerton Detective Agency. In 1889, Remus passed away during an important civic function held in his honor when the platform upon which he was standing collapsed."

Joke from Ireland

My daughter sent me this one.

An Israeli doctor says, “medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one person, put it in another and have him looking for work in six weeks”.

A German doctor says, “that is nothing, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another and have him looking for work in four weeks”.

A Russian doctor says, “in my country medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another and have them both looking for work in two weeks”.

An Illinois psychiatrist , not to be outdone says, “you guys are way behind. We recently took a man from Chicago, put him in the White House and after six months, half the country is looking for work”.

Don Rickles

The following is circulating around the Internet. It is allegedly a comedy routine by Don Rickles roasting the Democrats. Hat tip to Gary.

Seriously, Senator Reid has a face of a Saint - A Saint Bernard. Now I know why they call you the arithmetic man. You add partisanship, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance. Reid is so physically unimposing, he makes Pee Wee Herman look like Mr. T. And Reid's so dumb, he makes Speaker Pelosi look like an intellectual. Nevada is soooo screwed! If I were less polite, I'd say Reid makes Kevin Federline look successful.

Speaking of the Speaker... Nancy Pelosi, hubba, hubba! Hey baby, you must've been something before electricity. Seriously, the Speaker may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. She really is an idiot. Pelosi says she's not partisan, but her constituents call her Madame Pelossilini.

Charlie Rangel... still alive and still robbing the taxpayers blind. What does that make, six decades of theft? Rangel's the only man with a rent-controlled mansion. He's the guy who writes our tax laws but forgot to pay taxes on $75 grand in rental income! So why isn't he the Treasury Secretary? Rangel runs more scams than a Nigerian Banker.

Barney Frank - he's a better actor than Fred Flintstone. Consider... he and Dodd caused the whole financial meltdown and they're not only not serving time with Bubba and Rodney, they're still heading up the financial system! Let's all admit it... Barney Frank slobbers more than a sheepdog on novocain. How did this guy get elected? Oh, that's right... he's from Massachusetts . That's the state that elects Mr. Charisma, John Kerry -- man of the people!

You know, if Senator Dodd were any more crooked, you could open wine bottles with him. Here's a news flash, Dodd: when your local newspaper calls you a "lying weasel", it may be time to retire. Dodd's involved in more shady deals than the Clintons . Even Rangel looks up to him!

If you send me good material that pokes a little fun at the expense of Republicans, I'll post it. Political humor is non-partisan here.

California's Birthday

Next month California will celebrate its 159th birthday as a member of the Union. Let's compare then with now. Hat tip to Madeleine.

1. There was no electricity in 1850.
2. The state had no money
3. Almost everyone spoke Spanish
4. There were gunfights in the streets

Not much has changed.

Political Humor

I love political humor and will post jokes no matter who the target is on condition that it is clean and funny. Here's one I received from a friend. Hat tip to Gary VanderBruggen.

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

"She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican."

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be an Obama Democrat."

"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."